3 Lessons I Learned from Cancer

July 2021 marks a year since I was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer.  It is a diagnosis that I never imagined – no family history, led a healthy lifestyle, received annual mammograms.  Those aspects didn’t matter. What I learned was breast cancer doesn’t discriminate and more common than I ever knew. Although I couldn’t change the diagnosis, I could choose how I responded and navigated through this life transition.  Let me share 3 lessons that may help you or someone you love experiencing a life challenge. 

You are not alone:

I was physically alone when I received the call. Visiting my home in Florida, Ruth informed me that the biopsy did show cancer. I braced myself at that moment and consciously told myself to compartmentalize my feelings long enough so I could focus on what she had to say and document it. I was able to hold it together for what seemed like an eternity. Once I hung up the phone, I released the emotion – shock, disbelief - sobbing, and shouting, what does this mean?

I was paralyzed and didn’t know what to do, so I just started calling people and telling them the news.  This is the moment when I realized I would not be alone in this battle for my health. There were so many people who supported me. My brother immediately asked me to come north to Titusville for the night, I said yes.  My niece offered to join me at appointments so I would have an extra pair of ears, I said yes.  My sister said she would travel to New Hampshire when I needed her, and my friends and colleagues were incredibly supportive, and again I said yes, yes, yes to anyone who wanted to offer help!  

This is a lesson I learned over the last several years – you are not , and people want to help. I recognized the importance of sharing what I was experiencing not only for my own healing but also for others which allowed them to feel connected and helped lessen their worry. Sharing my experience, in this case, prompted several women in my circle revisit their healthcare decisions they pushed aside due to the pandemic. Many said they made appointments for their annual mammogram after learning about my diagnosis. This was a great outcome.

Knowledge is power:

The doctors who treated me were excellently trained.  They had a repeatable system for managing my type of cancer, years of experience, and many tools at their disposal.  What they didn’t have was knowledge of me personally, my experiences with healthcare, and my beliefs about treatment options.  I committed to ensuring my voice was heard and set an intention to advocate for myself regardless of what the system dictated.

Knowledge is power. I entered this period in my life with a voracious curiosity, consuming everything I could about breast cancer so I could be conversant in the medical jargon. I took advantage of every test offered and even sat with the pathologist to review my tissue slides for both the biopsy as well as the tumor.  I wanted to be a partner in my treatment and not just blindly follow what I was told.  Since I was not going through this alone, I stayed connected to the women in my network and was introduced to others. I learned that most of the women I spoke to either had a cancer story themselves or knew someone who did – this was shocking. These conversations offered me support and comfort and made me more informed as I engaged with the specialists involved in my care.

One pivotal conversation, supported by my research, had me challenging my oncologist.  During the meeting, she systematically told me the treatment I would undergo – surgery to remove the tumor, 20 weeks of chemotherapy, followed by 30 sessions of radiation and then a daily pill for at least 5 years. I listened politely and responded that I was against chemotherapy and asked for the genetic test of the tumor (Oncotype) I had read about.  This test identifies whether chemotherapy would be recommended.  She did not offer this option because she believed insurance would not cover the expense – that was a decision I wanted to make.  The test ended up being covered, and the results showed chemotherapy would not be a recommended option for me.

Takeaway - There is no silver bullet or guarantee with any of the options. It’s your body, your life, you can advocate for what you believe.

Tame your thoughts:

Throughout the 8 months of intense focus on my health, I practiced many techniques learned through my coaching training which I share with you.

·       I stayed present in the moment catching myself whenever my thoughts wandered to the “what-ifs”. This was key to taming catastrophic thinking and worry which causes more anxiety and stress.  Managing one day at a time was one thing I could control. Since there was information coming from so many directions, it was best to focus on only what was known and not to worry about all the other variables of what might be.

·       I consciously started every day with a gratefulness text to a friend and meditation to set a positive intention for the day and to feel a sense of connection. This habit continues today and has allowed me to quickly shift perspective when the inner thoughts need to be calmed.

·       Lastly, I documented my feelings and how grateful I was for the help of others in a daily journal.  Being able to reflect each day on what was happening, what I was feeling, how I reacted and who was helping me through, offered me comfort and gave me strength. During radiation treatment, I brought candy in weekly as a thank you to all who helped in my care.  They are true heroes.

Shifting your energy and mindset to what you have – those who love you and learning what you can control (your thoughts) was a powerful lesson for me.  In the past when I had devasting life events, I would often allow catastrophic thinking and worst-case scenario planning consume my thoughts.  This time in my life I felt differently - calmer, empowered, focused.  For one of the first times in my life I was ok being vulnerable and more open to sharing my feelings and fears – that was the biggest difference. Feelings don’t lie.

There had been a shift in me I attribute to my IPEC Core Energy coaching training and renewed spirituality. This diagnosis did not - and will not take me down.  It is a point of time in my life’s journey and one of many life experiences that has made me the coach I am today.

“You have within you, right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.”

-Brian Tracy